Thought for the day

"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings."

Eric Hoffer, social anthropologist and author

Umandidziwa?

Last month I travelled to my mothers village in Ntcheu for a funeral. The last time I had been there was sometime in June or July 1984 where I vividly remember my mother chasing rats in the middle of the night for fear they would chew her beloved children, my twin sister and I.

Well as usual at funerals, there were a host of characters and my mother was doing what she does best - introducing me to everyone around. Well after my mother got tired and went to rest, a young chap, a bit younger than me, approached me and asked that question I hate, Umandidziwa (do you know me)?
I thought I would be nice so I said 'no but your face is familiar'.
'Familiar from where?'

Dude, lets cut the chit-chat and get this over with!! I have met thousands of people in my life and you ask me where your face is familiar from? Well, check this out. You look like the folks that jumped off the flying saucer in the film Aliens!!

Anyway, it turned out he was my 2nd cousin. I've learnt my lesson, anyone I don't recall will have to get the rude answer of 'I don't know you'

Didn't yo mama tell ya...

Last week we heard that Lucius Banda was being sent to Zomba Prison for a couple of months for forgery and uttering a false document. It is interesting to note that on his BBC interview, the reporter chose to ask Lucius about his moving of an impeachment motion. Excuse me, was this case anything to do with the impeachment issue? It is also sad to note that Lucius thinks he has been a victim of a political witch hunt or whatever they call it.

The issue here was forgery. Chete. Osatinso ku khaya aBingu atani. After all didn't yo mama tell ya to work hard in school??

Enanso ndi aMpasu akutisokosanso zoti pali anthu ena alibenso ma MSCE. Osangowatchula bwanji anthuwo? If you don't have the facts, spare us the noise!!

The colour Blue

I read recently in the newspapers that there was this confused Malawian (who had just returned from the UK??) who found the colour blue a bit to confusing for his liking. He complained that most banks are using this confusing colour to the extent that someone who was meant to hand deliver a letter to Stanbic ended up at National Bank!!

Now I find this gentleman's character (the one who got lost) rather weird!! I think he needs to be schooled in the art of logo recognition because the next time he might end up at Nico Holding or Mobil or Stansfield Motors or even Blantyre Water Board. As for our friend who has just returned from the queens land, get a life!!

of speed traps

There was an article in one of the weekend papers where some official from the National Road Safety Council was trying to justify the introduction of speed traps. He claimed they had so far fined over 1,000 people for overspeeding. He then made an amusing yet shocking revelation that the maximum speed within Blatyre, Zomba, Lilongwe and Mzuzu cities is 50km/hour!!!

What amuses and shocks me at the same time is that this speed limit is ridiculous. The maximum speed limit for a learner driver is 45km/hr which means basically the whole city will be driving around at a speed very similar to learner drivers. Imagine vehicles leisurely strolling down Chipembere Highway, Chilambula Road, Kamuzu Procession Road and other such roads at those speeds!! I think sometimes we take our 3rd World status a bit to seriously. We need to shake of this primitive thinking that speed and drunk driving only is the main cause of death on our roads.

There are plenty ways to bring sanity on our roads and I will try to list them here
1. Breathlysers is one of them - they are very welcome although it would be appreciated if they told us how we arrive at the legal limit of 0.08 grams per litre or what ever they call it
2. Mark the darn roads! For goodness sake, paint the white line, put street lights, put reflectors on bridges and other such structures
3. Cyclists. Enforce the sticking of reflectors on bicycles so we can see them. A biker at night without reflectors just looks like a normal pedestrian (at least to me).
4. Learner Driving training should be improved, brought to modern day standards. Driving schools don't teach the use of indicators, wipers, dim & full lights and a number of other useful thing that you encounter daily on the roads.
5. Pedestrians also need to know their limits on the road. the attitude of 'akundiwona, andipatukira' has to die and die fast. You have situations on Chilambula road where one group is crossing the road 5 metres before the zebra crossing, another on the actual zebra crossing and another group 5 metres away. Then there are those who choose to pass (stroll) in front of the car while you are waiting to join the road at a junction when common sense dictates to me that it is safer for them to pass around the back.

Am sure there a dozen other ways to enforce sanity on our roads than driving along at such a hopeless speed!

Pay your bills or risk disconnection

I recently travelled to Blantyre to meet a certain service provider (name withheld to protect the very innocent). There was a notice at the reception that this provider will no longer give services to employees of Electricity Suppy Commission of Malawi (Escom) and Blantyre Water Board due to non- payment of bills by these two companies.

Yesterday I happened to be trailing an Escom vehicle and it had a sticker on the rear that read "Pay your bills or risk disconnection". The irony!!

2010

Well, a long time since I updated this space and plenty things have happened. The world cup and the famous Zizou head butt. Our circus parliament and their ludicrous salary demands. Then Israel and it's problems in that bad neighbourhood.

Going back to the world cup, how ready is Malawi for the 2010 event, I ask? There is talk from the sports minister about upgrading the stadium or stadiums - good news. There were similar sentiments from the tourism minister, I think - good news too. But how about the transport minister? The airports and roads need serious attention. Let assume they are busy with trying to get this budget through. We will see what they have to say after that.